Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Little Moments

Brandan started insulin in his pump yesterday. I had a knot of nerves in my stomach all day. He ate lunch, I bolused. He asked for something else, I bolused again. When he was done pigging out he reminded me to give him insulin. I told him I already did. He BEGGED me to inject his arm. Go figure! I understand though, it's the only life he's known. When he was almost done with dinner I sat beside him and let him watch me "give him insulin." He layed his head on my shoulder, I figure it was a version of a hug since his hands were messy. Lastnight when I bolused for his bedtime snack he thanked me. When I asked him why he thanked me, he wrapped his arms around me and said, "Thanks for giving me my insulin with the pump." I couldn't help it, I cried. :)

Today on our way out of Toys R Us the boys got some candy and I got an icecream cone. We sat at a table outside. When Brandan finished his Kit-Kat bar I used one finger to push buttons to give him insulin. (I didn't have to put my my icecream down to melt while I pulled insulin out of a vial and injected him.) My mom looked at me like I was crazy when I exclaimed how cool it was. :)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Starting The Pump

Brandan started his pump last Friday, with saline. He freaked out when we inserted the Inset infusion set on his back/lovehandle. He had a fit like never before. I hated myself a little for doing this to him. His sugar went low during this extra long fit of his. He wouldn't eat. He wouldn't drink anything. The nurse brought in everything they had available. He only screamed. This was a first for me, in three years of T1D. Finally, we had to hold him down and spoon feed him some sugar. Between this and the doctor appointment, it was a very long morning. Knowing that I don't HAVE to do this, I kept reminding myself that it's going to be better. That Brandan will be OK about it soon.

When we got home he played outside, apparently forgetting all about his pump until he slid down his slide and felt the infusion site on his back. We went inside and his BG was in the 80s. He chose a pack of crackers. Ten minutes passed and he hadn't eaten one. His BG was then in the 70s. He still wouldn't eat. I offered him all his favorite snacks and the fit started again. I can't understand him when he screams like that. He was saying something about "The Hulk" hurting. (He calls his green infusion set his Hulk.) Long story short, I spoon fed him sugar again.

He woke up from a nap at dinner time and wouldn't even look at the food. His BG was below 100 again. The fit started again. He hadn't eaten anything but sugar since breakfast. A trace of Ketones was in his urine. I was starting to freak out, afraid that we would be taking a trip to the ER. I yelled at him. I threatened to take him to the hospital. I showed him the Glucagon and threatened him with it. Nothing was working. I stopped. I sat down and didn't even look at him until he stopped screaming. Finally, when all was calm, I figured out why he was so scared. He thought that he would get a new infusion set everytime he eats, like we do with syringes. He's not even 4 yet and he figured out that if he didn't eat, he wouldn't need insulin. He's a smart boy, easy to talk to. I explained it to him and he understood. He finally ate.

We went to the park 2 days later. Most of my fears about the pump were eased during that trip. Dogs jumped on him, he played on the playground, he didn't think about the pump. My breath froze a little when a girl picked him up to put him on a swing because she didn't know the pump was there. No problem.

Day 4. Time for the first site change. He was scared and I was nervous. He never let me give him injections on his belly, but I wanted to put the infusion site there. I was always afraid of how this would work out. He was crying and trembling with fright, but he came to my bedroom and layed down on my bed willingly. He was surprised and relieved when I was done so quick. A revelation occurred that day. He was no longer afraid to expose his "Hulk button." He started showing it off to me and everyone he ran into. He even called his grandparents to tell them how easy it is and how much he likes his Spider-Man pump and Hulk button.

We're a week and 2 days into it now. I offered to put the Hulk button on his back during the last site change, but he doesn't like that. He actually likes it on his belly. I would have never thought so. The funny thing is that for the past few days he has been volunteering for all of his injections, but loving that he has his pump on too. He doesn't like being disconnected from his pump, he wants to put it right back on when he gets out of the tub. How strange. I'm glad he's happy with this arrangement, but I'm peeved that we have to wait so long to get the insulin for it.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

a tear in my eye

Brandan was sitting in my lap and we were browsing through a diabetes forum because he likes to see pictures of other people with diabetes. He pointed to the pictures and asked if each person has diabetes and I gave him answers like, "Yes" or "No, his/her son/daughter does." Then he asked me if I have diabetes. I said no. He put his hand on my leg and asked, "Do you have diabetes in your leg?" I laughed at that one and told him he's silly. Then he put his big, little hand on my chest and asked, "Do you have diabetes in your heart?" Those big blues eyes stared at me while I tried to decide if he knew what he was saying. I gave him the most honest answer I could, "Yes, your diabetes is in my heart." He apologized! I said to him, "Don't be sorry. You know I don't have your diabetes, right? Mama just loves you and your in my heart, so your diabetes is too." He replied, "Oh, I know. It's OK." I repeated him, "It's Ok?" He said, "Yeah, diabetes is OK." I gave him a hug and told him he's tough. And just like that, his attention was back on the computer screen.